You Have To

It's Monday morning, around 6:15 am, and I'm on the road surrounded by thick fog. I can't see more than 30 feet in front of me. I'm running 55 miles an hour, on the 4-lane, praying that a deer doesn't jump out in front of me. I'm listening to songs on YouTube played through my Bluetooth, and a song comes on that draws my attention straight to the lyrics. I'm thinking, “Boy, this is what I'm feeling right now.” I listened to the song over and over again. I couldn't get it out of my mind, thus the birth of this article.

I've been thinking about all of us grievers out there in the Substack world. I wonder all the time how you're coming along. It's hard for me to tell because most of us have pulled away from posting about it. We are sticking to ourselves as we navigate our way through the thick fog of grief. As we all know too well, this is not an easy thing to do, especially when living life is constantly triggering you. There's nothing we can do about it; we have to deal with it and get through it day by day.

The grieving process is different for all of us, but the one thing we all have in common is that “it hurts badly.” For some of us, your grief has crippeled you severely, and I am witnessing some of this through your posting. The fog surrounding you is still so thick that you can't see your way out because something is haunting you and won't let you go. You have to keep fighting your way through. Why? “Because you have to!”

For most of us, losing a spouse is something we have never experienced before. We find ourselves in a place of great dispare, torment, and hopelessness. We are totally lost in this new territory, a foreign land that nobody ever wants to go to. But here we are, deep in the desert wilderness. It’s a place where we couldn’t possibly feel more alone than we already are.

We suddenly find ourselves on a vast desert highway, with no end in sight. All we can see is miles and miles of nothing. We are just numb from heartache and disbelief that this happened to us. Sadly, here we are with no plans to speak of; we are just driving in this wasteland of grief. We really don’t have anywhere to go but straight if we want to get out alive. It's like we are driving 90 miles an hour on a lonely highway with no brakes; we are relying only on blind faith to guide us through this wildfire that we are in.

We are learning how to live again with a huge part of us missing, and for some of us, this will never be achieved. It's a lonely road we must drive because we must learn to live again, not just to stay alive. We've got to find a new purpose for our lives because grief is like playing a game with extremely high stakes, where you might lose, and grief overtakes you and destroys your life. The fact is, we have no choice when we know there's nothing to go back to. We all must choose to find new life in a place we didn't want to go.

The road has been hard, and it's been lonely, and it's hard to know where you're going when you have no clue where you are. Death has its eyes on you, waiting for you to fail and never find your way out again. Don't let the world put you in a box that you no longer fit into. Just keep driving until the mountains appear, and hope you will soon be out of the valley, driving up the mountain to a new life filled with possibilities, including new love.

P.S. I'm 15 months in from losing my wife to cancer, and I can see the fog lifting and the mountains ahead. I promised her that I would not grieve for too long because she knew losing her was going to be very hard for me. I promised her I'd live again as soon as I could, and I'm not going to break that promise. So, I'm looking ahead and have renewed hope in the plans God has for me. I want to thank my family, friends, my church, Substack friends, and my precious Holy God for helping me through the darkness. The love you’ve shown me will never be forgotten. I pray for God's abundant blessings in your lives.

Isaiah 43:19 is a famous biblical verse in which God promises to bring renewal and provide a path through difficult times. It reads: "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert" (ESV).

This verse serves as a message of hope, in which God asks his people to look forward rather than dwell on past struggles. The "wilderness" and "desert" represent barren, impossible, or challenging situations, while the promise of a "way" and "rivers" symbolizes God's guidance and provision when it is needed most.

Jeremiah 29:11. In the New International Version (NIV), it reads: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Just keep going because….You have to!

Credit: Larry Edge

Music Credits: Noah Cyrus - New Country

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Amy Wadge / Noah Cyrus / Sam Harris

New Country lyrics © Concord Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Song: YouTube - New Country - Miley Cyrus - Blake Shelton

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=TuMlhrcoSx8&si=QO9PW5G8kDuBSDmf